Star Gazing
by Steelfeathers
Summary: Somewhat AU: Chronos has fallen. Archanfel is dead. And the last Guyver morns what was never meant to be.


1This is my first exploration into the Guyver fanfiction universe, so please forgive me if there are inconsistencies/ things that don't make sense.

This story was supposed to answer the question I have been mulling over for quite some time: what if Guyver 1 was an american girl? While I myself am not American, I thought that it would make for a interesting plot twist to have her eventually seek out and meet up with her Japanese counterparts.

For now it's a oneshot, just something I did for fun, but if you want to see more, let me know. There is a whole long and involved plot that leads up to the point where this story begins, and if I ever get around to writing it I'll post that too.

Hats off to Jade's story "The Conquered". I took my inspiration for the Guyver Unit's awareness from her, and if I ever deliver the promised back story, I intend to use her idea for "the 21, the 9 and the 1" as well. (If you have no idea what I'm talking about, go read "The Conquered".)

Enjoy.

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The sun had fallen beyond the horizon.

And the stars had come out.

They covered the gently arching dome of the midnight blue sky in a glittering swirl, not simply sprinkled over the earth, dimmed by the neon glow of the city, but showered overhead, so numerous and so bright that they might have been tiny tears in the fabric of the universe, letting the light of heaven shine through.

Alex looked up at those doorways to heaven, wondering which one her mother was looking down on her through. Her heart ached with the terrible pain constricting it. Her face was screwed up in unimaginable agony, her eyes burning, tears leaking down over her cheeks and dripping from her chin in great, shaking sobs.

Alex felt better than she had in months.

It was as though a curse had been lifted from her, changing her stone heart back into flesh. It was twisted up in knots inside her, but for the first time in so long it was there, real and beating, in her chest. She was alive again, and it hurt worse than when she was dead.

Yet Alex would not trade it for the world.

The release had come at last, freeing her soul from the gray prison it had retreated into. Many countless days had slipped by like water through her fingers, empty of meaning and purpose. To protect herself from the horror that had arisen around her, within her, like a nightmare that would not end, she had locked away her heart. She had taken her own life to keep it from being stolen from her.

And now she had it back. The hot tears that poured endlessly from her eyes held so many conflicting emotions that it was impossible to distinguish why they came at all. All she felt was the overwhelming need to simply shed them, whatever the reason. Fear beyond all mortal terror, anger that drenched the world in blood, deep sorrow that drowned her in the oceans of remorse, hopelessness that engulfed her with the promise of the never ending hell of immortality. Each and every one came bubbling to the surface and boiled over. Never before had guilt cut so deep. Never before had self pity taken such a hold.

But all those things only made her cry all the more, because they made her weak. It was death to be weak. There was no pity for the weak. The others like her, the others who had been cursed like she was, had leered down at her for her weakness. After the first night, she had never wept in their presence again.

But they weren't here now, and her tears could come freely. There was no one to berate her, no one to shame her for her weakness. And finally, at long last, like a drowning man breaking the surface of the water and being able to draw a life giving breath, she could grieve in peace.

And it felt so wonderful.

Alex dropped to the ground on her hands and knees, her whole body convulsing with sobs, unable and unwilling to stop. The cold wind was welcome as it bit at the exposed skin of her face and hands, a reminder like the drops that fell from her eyes that she was alive, a maybe even a little human.

And that, maybe even more than being alive, was everything. It meant nothing that her cells had an extra, alien chromosome pair. It meant nothing that her body held the strength to bench press a truck. It meant nothing that there were two tumor like growths on her shoulder blades, that there was a cool, metallic voice in her head that was not conjured by the twisted depths of insanity, though that might have been preferable.

It meant nothing that she was the host to the last and the only Unit-G.

It meant nothing that she was, to all classifications, the last Guyver.

It was her emotions that made her human.

Ever since the vile alien parasite had invaded her body all those months ago, all she had wanted was to be human. But then as time went on, she found herself beginning to want something else.

As the bodies built up in the cemetery, including those of her own family and friends, Alex wanted to die.

She knew that she belonged there. Not once, but twice her heart had given up the struggle and squeezed out its last futile breaths of life as she lay dying in a pool of her own blood. And both times the parasite had stolen even her ability to die from her and brought her back against her will.

And the nightmare continued.

After the first time, Alex had been a complete wreck for weeks. She was supposed to have been dead. She was supposed to have been buried beside her father and baby sister under the blossoming dog wood tree. But the damned curse that had stolen her humanity had not let her pass on with dignity to be with them. It had locked its hold on her dying soul and regrew her body, cell by cell. And she had lived on.

The second time had been shortly after that.

Her mind off kilter and half wild with despair, Alex had blindly thought that she might had been able to escape the parasite by killing herself without the armor on. The first time she had died in it, so it had been able to forcibly bring her back.

Yet even as the knife pierced her heart by her own hand, she felt the armor wrap around her without being summoned. And she lived on. The monstrous THING that she had become lived on.

Someone who had not felt themselves being ripped from the peaceful slumber of death would not understand the agony of living in comparison. The pain was so great that it threatened to crush her already torn and bleeding heart and drive her sanity over the edge. To save herself, to save the ragged remains of her battered soul, she had locked her heart deep within her.

Days passed and battles were fought. When she successfully beat back a wave of Zoanoids, there was no joy. When Japan, her sister country, fell to Chronos, she felt no despair. There was only an endless nothing, a gaping hole where her heart had been. She went through the motions, but felt nothing.

In almost every sense, she had been dead. And at the time, that was fine. It had been what she had wanted.

Though the parasite refused to let her body die, she defied it through the killing of her soul.

But now the spell was broken.

Archanfel had been defeated. Chronos had fallen. Two of the three Guyvers lay dead, buried beneath the ruins of the mountain.

And Alex was left alone among the wreckage, alone with the remains of an Advent ship, the only one in America. It had been uncovered in the final battle, the last remnants of those who had given birth to the zoanoids, who had taken Homo Sapiens and changed them into tools of war.

Before her under the silent cathedral of stars was the Alpha, the ship that had brought the Advents to Earth.

And kneeling before its base, terrible sobs wracking her thin bruised frame, was the Omega.

The last Guyver.

_I am alone_

A tiny squeal like a wounded animal tore through her chest.

_They're all dead, because of me. The parasite killed my family because of me. Naomi was turned into a Zoalord and...murdered...by my hand, because of me. Countless, helpless innocents are dead, because of me. I am a monster. And I deserve to be alone._

She couldn't find the strength to support herself any longer, and collapsed to the ground, curling up into a tight little ball, weakness be damned. The stars winked coldly at her from far above.

_No Master, not alone._

Alex tensed, her lips pulling back from her teeth in a snarl at the unwelcome voice in her head. The voice of the thing that had stolen her humanity and turned her into a monster. The parasite. The Unit-G.

The Guyver.

_Go. Away._

The presence in her mind shrank from the venom of the words, but didn't leave entirely. It never did. It was always there, at the back of her mind, sometimes so quiet that it was almost unnoticeable. At other times it flittered across her consciousness in agitation, like it did now.

Alex waited for a beat, and when she felt that it had obeyed her command, she gave herself over to her misery and self loathing again, more sobs coming anew. The cold air was beginning to get to her, and she broke out in gooseflesh, shivering uncontrollably.

_Master._

The thing hummed deep in her mind nervously, inquiring.

_Master, please, it is very cold out in the open. You should seek shelter in the ship for the night._

Alex grimaced, choking her tears on a mirthless laugh.

"What, are you cold?" She spat.

_No, master, but you are. _

"Why do you care? I'm just a meal to you, remember? You feed off my bio energy. If I'm weak, you're weak. You don't really care about _me_." She shook even harder than before, her voice catching several times.

_You are everything to me, Master. How could I not care for you? My own existence is insignificant compared to yours. I live only for you._

Alex didn't bother to answer. She had heard the pathetic gushings before, and believed them just as much as she did then, which was not at all.

But when she didn't move, the parasite decided to try to persuade her again.

_Please, Master, I know you would find it distasteful to spend the night the armor, so it would be best for you to seek shelter in the ship._

Alex drew in a deep, trembling breath, trying to calm down, stubbornly unwilling to admit that the cold was starting to bother her.

"You know, I liked it better back when you didn't talk."

_At the time when we first merged, I did not yet understand your language. If there had been a way for me to_ _communicate with you, there might not have been as many...difficulties._

"By difficulties you mean the time you slaughtered my entire family?" Alex snorted bitterly, fighting back a fresh wave of tears that threatened to overwhelm her.

_Master...I have told you. I did not understand your people and customs. _

_I did not realize their importance to you, or I would have refrained. _

_You were still very weak from the merging process, and barely conscious. _

_When they approached you, I took their actions as hostile. I thought they were a threat to you. _

_Master, I was only trying to protect you._

The racking convulsions had ceased, but a thin drop of moisture leaked over the edge and trickled down her check.

"Oh yeah, a six year old girl under four feet high is really a threat to a larger-than-life parasitic bio weapon. And a man with a bad hip and gray hair is so incredibly dangerous. Yeah. Sure."

Her voice broke at the end, barely distinguishable. Alex sniffed loudly, cold and miserable.

Despite her protests, she decided that she had had enough of the elements and heaved herself unsteadily to her feet.

Just thinking took so much energy, let alone standing, that she nearly collapsed from the effort, her knees buckling under her. It felt as though a giant, crushing weight was smothering her, and the pit of her stomach dropped out at the thought of having to endure this-this- _agony _for all eternity.

If it hadn't been for the wind lashing her thin cotton clothes against her body, Alex might have just let herself fall again right then and there, unable to stand against such an overwhelming weight of despair.

The ship wasn't far away, but it seemed to take forever to get there. She shoved her hands inside her sleeves, hunching her shoulders to try to stay warm. Her teeth chattered in her head.

_Just a little farther, Master_

It coaxed her gently, flittering anxiously across her mind. It felt as though it was hovering right behind her, close enough to envelop her in its slimy embrace before she hit the ground if she fell. The very thought made her clench her jaw and plough determinedly onward. She would not be weak. She would not turn to the thing bonded to her for comfort and warmth.

It had murdered her family. It could give her nothing.

The hull of the ship was dirt streaked and moss covered, though still curved to a rounded perfection beneath the grime. The countless centuries had had no affect on the skin of bio-booster flesh that covered it. Alex stopped a few feet from the towering dome that arched gracefully skyward toward the stars, scrutinizing the hull, wondering how she was supposed to get in.

_You only have_ _approach it a little closer, Master, and it will open for you. _

The unit answered her unspoken question.

Doubtful, but not knowing what else to do, Alex followed the parasite's instructions, shuffling closer to the ship until she was close enough to reach out and touch it, and jumped in surprise and amazement when a hole appeared in the bio-booster flesh, forming a doorway for her into the darkened interior.

But she did not go in. Alex shrank away from the opening, hesitant, fearful of the featureless darkness beyond the door way.

_There is nothing to fear, Master. It is completely safe. Lights will come on as you enter. _

Alex nodded to herself. Because she was host to a Guyver, the ship must have recognized her as if she were one of the Advents, to whom it naturally would open at their approach.

"It can recognize me, can't it?" Carefully, slowly, she stepped through the opening, and as promised a hidden light source illuminated the sloping walls of the room as she entered. She was not surprised at the curving, organic nature of the interior of the ship. It was not the first of its kind she had been on, though it was the first she had entered on her own.

_Yes._

_Through me it knows of you. It has been awaiting your arrival, Master. _

"Peachy. I feel honored." She didn't know if the Unit caught the sarcasm in her voice, because it never answered.

Once she was all the way inside, the hole closed swiftly behind her, abruptly cutting off the howling of the wind. She was instantly warmer.

_I have been in communication with the control mainframe, Master, and it has informed me that the ship is in full working order, despite outside appearances. _

"You mean, it could just take off and fly into outer space?"

_Yes, if that was your desire, Master._

"My desire?" She wondered, leaning against one wall and sinking to the floor. She tilted her head back and sighed deeply, bone weary and emotionally spent.

_You have full control over the ship, Master. It will respond to your command._

"I thought it was an Advent ship? As in, only they could control it?"

_The Advents used to have control over the ship, yes. But they have been gone for many Millenia, and in that time it has waited tirelessly for a new master. This ship is programmed to follow the commands of a bio boosted organism, and since you are the only one in existence, Master, it will respond only to you._

_It has been waiting to serve you._

"But what about when the Advents come back? Won't it go back to taking orders from them?"

_No_

Alex blinked, stunned at the answer contrary to what she had assumed to be the obvious response.

"Why not?"

_When the Advents first fled this planet, Master, they erased all knowledge of themselves from the ship's mainframe as an added precaution in case they did not succeed in destroying it. Because of that, the ship will not recognize them or follow their orders should they return. _

"But what's stopping them from reprogramming the ship to listen to them again? After all, they were the ones who erased themselves from its memory in the first place."

_Only those whom the ship obeys can reprogram it, Master. It is no longer bound to serve the Advents, so they would have no control over it should they return._

Alex nodded, a knot of tension loosening in her chest.

"Good to know." A humorless grin spread over her face, the emotion behind it making it more analogous to a grimace than any expression of mirth. "If the bastards ever come back, they won't find any allies. Not Archafel, not the Zoalords, not their expendable Zoanoids, not even one of their high-tech ships. They will be alone, just as they left us alone."

Her voice faded out, and the grin slid from her lips.

She closed her eyes, bringing her knees to her chest and clasping her arms around them. It wasn't cold anymore, but the rigid organic material wasn't exactly comfortable to her aching body. The sloping floor that blended seamlessly into the walls and ceiling without edges or cracks would make a poor place to sleep for the night, but she didn't feel up to exploring the alien ship for a more suitable spot.

_Master, there is a place already prepared for you, not far from here, that you might find more comfortable. _

The unit whispered helpfully to her. Alex tipped onto her side, uncaring, and curled up to try to get some sleep.

"Mhm...too tired. Don't want to move."

In truth, her mind was wide awake, but her body demanded sleep and was swiftly dragging her battered consciousness with it. She pulled her coat tighter around her and snuggled down into it, groaning, the floor hard and unyielding under her shoulder and hipShe hated it when the damned thing was right. It was always able to sense her thoughts and feelings, even when they weren't put into words.

_If you stay where you are, you will regret it in the morning._

"Smart ass." She slurred in annoyance, making no move to get up.

Much to her surprise, it made a sound in response that seemed almost like an exasperated sigh.

_Master, why must you always be so difficult?_

"Because I can."

Because I still have free will, though you've taken everything else. Because I will except no charity from you, you who stole my life and humanity. Because I will not become dependent on you, cramped muscles or no.

The unit flinched back from the hatred that she oozed towards it in her mind, seeming to want to approach, to comfort her trembling presence, but knowing that its touch would be unwelcome. Like always, eternally patient, it waited until she had calmed again, then tried to gently coax her into getting up.

_Master._

Alex had all but given up the will to put up a fight, too fatigued to really care, when it gingerly reached out to her in her mind, caressing her with a cool trendil of thought. But though she didn't shove it violently from her, her stomach turned at the alien touch and she trembled, wanting it to go away. No matter how gently it held her mind, no matter how warm its presence, to her it would always be slimy and vile, an unwanted intruder.

Sensing her repulsion to its touch, the unit slowly withdrew into its own corner of her mind.

"Why can't you leave me alone?" Alex whispered, mostly to herself, shivering.

_Master?_

"Why can't you find someone else to be your host? I'm sure there has got to be someone who would jump at the chance." She paused. "The Unit Remover is still out there."

The unit bristled at her suggestion, seeming to tighten its hold on her in response.

_Never. _It swore vehemently.

Alex clenched her jaw, squeezing her eyes shut and burying her head against her knees, ignoring the crick in her neck from the odd angle.

"Why me? What did I do to deserve this? What horrid sin have I committed that has condemned me with this curse?"

The question was a familiar one. It had reverberated solemnly, gravely, sorrowfully, through her mind ever since that fateful day when she had happened upon the Unit-G. It had been choked out in screams and in whispers, in the dark of night and before the whole world. There were a million answers, but no solution. No matter how many times she asked the question, it would not change the fact that she was, and forever would be, a Guyver.

_Master, you did nothing. I chose you._

Alex was silent for a long moment, concentrating only on breathing, trying her hardest not to think about anything. Her thoughts would always drift unbidden to painful memories, and she had no desire to relive the most recent horrors, not now, not when they were so fresh and raw in her mind.

"Why can't you choose someone else?"

_I do not wish to bond with another._ _I will not lose you, master, and I will allow nothing, not even the unit remover, to separate us. _

Alex merely shook her head.

_There is nothing to fear now, Master. _It tried to plead with her, a note of desperation in its tone.

_I will protect you. I will care for you. Nothing will ever harm you._

"And yet, in 'protecting' me you have harmed me more than anyone ever could."

When it didn't deny her accusation, Alex sighed deeply and peeled back her eyelids. The lights had dimmed when she had laid down, and now they brightened of their own accord. The ship, whatever level of sentience it possessed, seemed constantly aware of her.

_Yes, of course, Master. As am I._

"Huh?"

_The ship is always aware of you, as am I. _

Alex mulled over that for a minute, grimacing at the lack of privacy, then abruptly sat up.

"You were right. I'll never get to sleep here." She muttered disdainfully, mentally kicking herself for giving into its will twice in one night. Just once was too much for a lifetime.

The unit seemed happier now, and she imagined it to be smiling. Instantly another opening appeared in one wall, and beyond it a short corridor brightened to show the way. It seemed friendly and inviting, somehow.

_The organic material of the ship can create anything, given enough time. It has been preparing a place for you to sleep tonight, though if you wish another can be grown in a different room for tomorrow while you sleep. _

"Hm. Maybe. I don't feel up to exploring it tonight to pick out a place, though," Alex stepped through the doorway and shuffled tiredly down the corridor.

"How big is this thing, anyway?"

_Approximately 5oo meters long and 200 across._

Alex whistled appreciatively. "Wow. Big." Then she stopped and looked around, something suddenly dawning on her.

"Where are all the supplies? Did the Advents take all their junk with them when they left?"

_No, Master. Their material needs are not like yours. They neither brought anything with them or took anything away._

"But then how did they eat?" She started walking again, "Wait, did they leave their armor on _all the time_?"

_Yes. That is the normal practice for their kind, Master. Their bodies are much weaker than your own. _

Alex shivered just imagining it. When she reached the end of the corridor another hole opened up, and as soon as she stepped through into the room beyond it sealed behind her again like all the others.

_The armor has no adverse affects from constant use, Master. It was made to be worn constantly. For the Advents, their boosted form becomes their natural bodies and they never feel the need to remove the armor as you do. _

"Ew!"

_Despite your aversion to the concept, that was how we were designed to be. It is the most practical arrangement, for both parties. _

_Besides, even when you remove the armor, I am still with you._

"Don't remind me." She hissed. "But why would you want to be with me in the first place? I hate you, you know that."

_You are my life, Master._ It answered without hesitation. _It...pains me...to be away from you, to not be near to help you when you are in distress. Though I do not pretend to assume that you will ever like me, I do hope that someday you will come not to hate me, Master. _

Alex was staggered.

"And yet you would rather have me than a willing host?"

_You are more than my host. You are my Beloved. _

_I will not bond with another._

_Nothing can ever separate us. _

"Well, we'll have to see about that."Alex murmured, steeling herself with grim determination. Her mind's eye was filled with the image of her salvation; a silver, pod-like device that could split open and unleash a beam of energy powerful enough to erase the host data from a unit and return it to its dormant state. The Unit Remover. It had vanished after the battle, but she felt certain it had not been destroyed.

It couldn't have been. It was the only thing that could end the nightmare and release her from the curse that had bonded to her.

She had to continue to hope. She would not allow herself to believe that it was gone.

Alex blinked, shaking herself back into reality. The room she had been lead to was smaller than the others, and seemed somehow less 'alien', if that were possible. For the first time on the ship she saw a distinction between the floor and the walls and the ceiling. The room looked more like a rectangular prism than an organic bubble.

Against one 'wall', at about hip height, was a wide ledge made from the same material as the rest of the ship. Bio-booster flesh. Alex approached the protrusion and carefully ran a hand over it, surprised at its softness. When she pressed her palm against it, the material molded slowly to the shape of her hand, and when she pulled away the depression filled in again.

Alex almost smiled. Though it might not have been her first choice for a bed, it was definitely a better alternative than the rock hard floor.

Out of habit she kicked her shoes off as she sat on the edge of the ledge, then hesitantly lowered her back to it. It gave under her weight until it embraced her gently. The material was unusually warm.

Though she would never admit it out loud, it was rather comfortable. Almost instantly she felt her mind haze over and her limbs turn to lead. Sleep beckoned her from beyond the misty veil, warm and enticing. And for the first time in a long time she felt strangely content. She didn't have to move anymore. She didn't have to watch her back for a zoanoid ambush.

"Thank you." She muttered at last, the words foreign on her tongue. The unit glowed with pleasure, gently cocooning her consciousness protectively in its own, seeming to bed down for the night.

_You are always welcome, Master. _

Darkness claimed her.


End file.
